A hilarious story of the ups and downs of unexpected single
motherhood, the perfect laugh-out-loud romance for fans
of Why Mummy Drinks, The Unmumsy Mum and The Not So
With a devilish toddler and baby number two on the way, Rachel’s
big dream is to one day go to the toilet on her own. So, she’s
surprised to discover that her husband has found the time to have
an exciting affair while she’s been bringing up their family.
Suddenly, Rachel is left wrangling with a child who will only eat
crackers and a 35-week bump. She knows even Mumsnet isn’t
going to solve this.
What Rachel needs is a handsome, good-with-children, single man.
But she can barely leave the house without a stain on her top and
child on her hip. How on earth can she claim her life back, let alone
thinking about dating?
I woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of Thomas and Stephen in the kitchen, clattering spoons into bowls as they assembled breakfast. I stretched, feeling the bones click
back into place in my neck, and barrel-rolled off the bed.
My baby seemed to stretch too, contorting as she found her way back to the centre of my upright body. I edged the kitchen door open. Thomas was perched on his step stool, pouring milk into the bowl, and on to the bench, from which it was dripping on to the floor. The kettle was boiling and our dog, Waffle, nudged her empty water bowl across the tiles with her greying nose. Stephen grabbed the milk bottle from Thomas. ‘I told you to be careful. Let me.’
‘I do it!’ Thomas glared but looked chastened. Stephen rarely snapped at him. His father tried to guide the pour.
He looked up as he heard me shuffling in, my legs numb from the baby cutting off my blood supply. He quickly turned his gaze to Thomas again.
I watched the pair of them as Stephen positioned Thomas into his chair at the dining table. More cereal was spilling down the front of his T-shirt. I handed Stephen a cloth to wipe him, but he looked flummoxed, so I snatched it back and dabbed at the mess.
‘I’m going to ask my mum to take Thomas out for a while, so we can talk today.’ I kept my voice calm, channelling the woman who fronted the kids’ TV show that kept Thomas
occupied for a sanity-saving hour each Saturday morning.
My husband might be trying to ruin our lives, but I was going to keep this from Thomas – as well as everyone else – for as long as I could.